Dating online guides: With 40 million Americans now using online dating services, the chances of finding love online are higher than ever. However, to make the most of this, you need to know how to play the game, which is where our online dating tips can help.

I should make my messages personal, advises Hoffman: “Comment on something in his profile and follow with a question.” Dutifully, I tell one bespectacled prospect, “I like melty ice cream, too. What’s your favorite flavor?” I have some interesting chats, but nothing leads anywhere. After a lengthy back-and-forth with a cute guy who asks why I’m still single (beats me!), I try a Hoffman move, writing, “That’s a story better told over a drink.” He suggests… chicken fingers. As in fast food? Is this a sex thing I don’t know about?

You shouldn’t do this offline either, of course, but the temptation to fantasize can be even greater when you’ve met someone online. After all, in his profile he claimed to be looking for a relationship (and why would he be online unless he really wanted to meet someone?) What more do you need? Answer: a lot. Sometimes we get so tired of dating that we just want to be done with it, rush into the next thing: the relationship. But getting too attached too soon is often the worst thing that can happen to a budding connection. It tends to dampen flirtation or scares off your counterpart. After a few dates, you are still getting to know each other, no matter how perfect he or she seems. To become too attached suggests that you are projecting a fantasy onto the other person.

Having sex doesn’t make you morally corrupt, and it won’t necessarily wreck your chances of a relationship. If you’re both adults, single and you use protection, it’s your choice – but if you’d rather not, that’s your choice too. Never be pushed into sex that you don’t want. Ignore those rules about waiting three days to get in touch. If you like someone, you have nothing to lose by letting them know. If they’re interested, they’ll be happy that you called. If they’re not interested, at least you’ll know – and you can move on to the next date. See additional info on online dating reading this user’s posts.

“I think that there’s this idea that you must have a witty, thoughtful, and overall brilliant opener when you’re messaging someone first on a dating app. That’s just not true. Sure, it could be cute if you managed to find a funny way to illustrate you read their profile and share a common interest, but if you can’t do that, don’t stress. It doesn’t matter what you open with as long as you open. ‘Hey, any exciting plans this weekend?’ is something you can say to anyone. Really, it’s as simple as that.” —Zachary Zane, bisexual activist and writer.